Vampire AIDS

If you have been keeping up with Earth culture in the past year or so, you have probably heard of the teen girl phenomenon known as Twilight. The “Twilight Saga” of sub-par books and shitty films follows a young “I could be attractive but no one notices me so I’ll just be different” girl named Bella who falls in love with a mysterious heartthrob vampire named Edward. Regardless of my disgust with this fad, I was dragged into seeing the film in theaters. Sitting in front of me was a large African American woman, who somewhat stereotypically decided to yell her opinions at the screen. During a scene where Edward and Bella are confusing infatuation for love the woman loudly days, “This Bella bitch is just too damn skinny. Girl looks like she got AIDS.” After I spent close to 20 minutes laughing at here publicly offensive comment, a burning question entered my mind. What if Bella and Edward had awkward, unprotected vampire-human sex? Could Edward get AIDS? Or what if he says“Fuck it. I’m bored.” and bit her? Could he get AIDS from that? The question is, “Can a vampire contract the AIDS virus from biting and/or having sexual relations with an AIDS infected victim?” I pondered the question for the better part of an hour and a half before finally giving in and doing some research. I decided the most reliable, accurate, and trustworthy source of information would be the internet. Some people say the interent isn’t always right. But why would anyone take the time to post false information? That’s crazy. Therefore, I concluded that everything you read on the internet is true. After my research took me through Wikipedia, several historical sites about vampires, and some very odd and disturbing pornography, I came to my conclusion and the answer to the question. Yes, a vampire can contract the AIDS virus having bitten and/or having sexual relations with an AIDS infected victim.However, considering that a vampire can only be killed by a stake through the heart, sunlight, holy water or decapitation, the AIDS virus is only a minor inconvenience to the vampire. The extent of the hardships faced by the AIDS infected vampire will most likely be teasing and practical jokes. Things like, “Hey, who invited Tom Hanks from Philadelphia?” and having songs from the musical “Rent” sang to him by his peers on a daily basis.